Review: Every Last Word - Tamara Ireland Stone

Synopsis

 

"Samantha McAllister looks just like the rest of the popular girls in her junior class. But hidden beneath the straightened hair and expertly applied makeup is a secret that her friends would never understand: Sam has Purely-Obsessional OCD and is consumed by a stream of dark thoughts and worries that she can't turn off.

Second-guessing every move, thought, and word makes daily life a struggle, and it doesn't help that her lifelong friends will turn toxic at the first sign of a wrong outfit, wrong lunch, or wrong crush. Yet Sam knows she'd be truly crazy to leave the protection of the most popular girls in school. So when Sam meets Caroline, she has to keep her new friend with a refreshing sense of humor and no style a secret, right up there with Sam's weekly visits to her psychiatrist.

Caroline introduces Sam to Poet's Corner, a hidden room and a tight-knit group of misfits who have been ignored by the school at large. Sam is drawn to them immediately, especially a guitar-playing guy with a talent for verse, and starts to discover a whole new side of herself. Slowly, she begins to feel more "normal" than she ever has as part of the popular crowd . . . until she finds a new reason to question her sanity and all she holds dear." (Goodreads)

A Sensitive Subject

I was a little nervous to read this book, which is why it took me about a year to get to it (and the encouragement of Meredith of From Library With Love). Over the years, as I've struggled to keep anxiety and depression at bay, I've learned a lot about mental health and various disorders. No two are alike and most are often incorrectly categorized because of how complex they are. Doctors obviously know a little bit more, but I would've never thought OCD could be the reason behind obsessive intrusive thoughts, as we usually see OCD in the form of intense compulsive behavior (think repetitive hand washing). Intrusive thoughts are something I've struggled with, and it was awesome to see such a thing represented in this book. No one really sees the fearful thoughts that pop in your head and trigger panic attacks. It's why it's so easy for Sam to hide her disorder and why so many people go undiagnosed. 

It was super important to me that Sam was getting help and has a supportive family. That Sam can confide in her mother and her therapist and take medication to help curb her illness is a reminder that there is help out there. Mental illnesses can make you feel helpless, but there are people who can help you and you will be so grateful for it. Seeing people actively take care of their mental well-being makes me so happy. I have a monthly med-check and do talk therapy regularly and both have greatly improved my life. Stone includes information in the back of the book and credits a lot of doctors and patients in helping make the story as realistic as possible. 

At Poet's Corner

Sam starts to feel like a more confident, "normal" version of herself when she follows her new friend, Caroline, to Poet's Corner, a place where several students voice their emotions through poetry. Some can be happy, funny, and light. Others can be intense and fearful. It's a safe space, which is a lovely thing for Sam to have. It bothers me that these kids are often seen as misfits, and that Sam is afraid to talk about them because her popular friends won't approve. I love that the group doesn't care about that kind of thing. In fact, it's really only Sam who is concerned about what people think.

It's at Poet's Corner that Sam becomes reacquainted with AJ, someone who is not very happy to be near Sam again. Despite some past issues, AJ is able to give Sam a second chance and a romance develops. It's always hard for me to believe the intensity of teenage romance until I remember my first love. Though I don't think all relationships move fast (and AJ and Sam's moves at a good pace), the newness of falling for someone and having those feelings reciprocated leads to a quick tumble into love.

 Inside Sam's Mind

Since the book is written in first-person, we get an actual glimpse into Sam's thoughts and the spiral they can cause. The very beginning of the book is probably the biggest spiral we see Sam go through. I appreciated the truth in that scene. Though I still feel that her OCD was handled with care and respect, I do feel that it sort of took the back burner for the majority of the novel. And maybe that's the point, considering Poet's Corner helps to shut her mind off a bit and calm the spiraling thoughts.  

Overall

Sam's biggest concern is that she is crazy. She just wants to be normal. The lesson here is that crazy is a really broad term that demeans the illness and that being normal isn't really a thing. It's about being comfortable with yourself and knowing that you're taking care of yourself as best as you can. It's easy to want to be like someone who appears to be worry-free, but, just like Sam, it's easy to hide your true feelings. Mental illness takes all shapes and forms, and I think it's important to show them honestly.
Kudos for a job well done!