Synopsis
Thoughts
When Griffin’s first love and ex-boyfriend, Theo, dies in a drowning accident, his universe implodes. Even though Theo had moved to California for college and started seeing Jackson, Griffin never doubted Theo would come back to him when the time was right. But now, the future he’s been imagining for himself has gone far off course.
To make things worse, the only person who truly understands his heartache is Jackson. But no matter how much they open up to each other, Griffin’s downward spiral continues. He’s losing himself in his obsessive compulsions and destructive choices, and the secrets he’s been keeping are tearing him apart.
If Griffin is ever to rebuild his future, he must first confront his history, every last heartbreaking piece in the puzzle of his life. (Goodreads)
To make things worse, the only person who truly understands his heartache is Jackson. But no matter how much they open up to each other, Griffin’s downward spiral continues. He’s losing himself in his obsessive compulsions and destructive choices, and the secrets he’s been keeping are tearing him apart.
If Griffin is ever to rebuild his future, he must first confront his history, every last heartbreaking piece in the puzzle of his life. (Goodreads)
Thoughts
Theo is dead. We know this going in, which is why we only have "history" to focus on. However, this book manages to be the kind of YA contemporary romance that has the reader squealing over the cuteness of blooming love while simultaneously focusing on the realistic possibility of the relationship ending. In the case of this book, Griffin has lost Theo twice, first by breakup and second by a tragic death. The balance of present and past is the perfect way to tell a story like this and, knowing that there is literally no possible chance for Griffin and Theo to get back together, it doesn't cheapen the story or give the reader false hope.
It sounds cliche to say, but love changes you. Relationships often change you in general, but first love is the big one. For the first time, you allow yourself to be vulnerable with someone. You put your feelings on the line. You share parts of yourself (literally and figuratively) that you never have before. It shapes you and the way you perceive relationships for the rest of your life.
I found myself getting disappointed in some of Griffin's behavior throughout the book and the way he sort of felt as though he was the only one allowed to mourn Theo. He neglects his friends, he refuses to acknowledge his issues, and he has a tendency to use people. These are sucky traits that make Griffin seemingly hard to like.
The thing is, breakups (especially that first one) mess you up. I mean, that's not new knowledge. Some people have an easier time of it, depending on how things ended. However, I've witnessed (and, admittedly, have been a part of) angry and vengeful actions post-breakup. Many people often try to fill the gap with someone else, only to hurt the other person involved. Others unfairly villainize the new significant other that steps into the picture, refusing to acknowledge the flaws that ended their relationship or the flaws in themselves. This book was not afraid to go to these places and though it can be hard to read at times, that happens to be because it's so true.
Grieving the end of a relationship is a lot like grieving a death, and this was a pretty literal interpretation of how difficult it is to move on and appreciate what was instead of dwelling on what could've been (especially if it can never be). Its harder than it sounds, but its something many people can relate to and I love Silvera for telling this story and keeping the flaws and mistakes that truly accompany these situations in tact.
I found myself getting disappointed in some of Griffin's behavior throughout the book and the way he sort of felt as though he was the only one allowed to mourn Theo. He neglects his friends, he refuses to acknowledge his issues, and he has a tendency to use people. These are sucky traits that make Griffin seemingly hard to like.
The thing is, breakups (especially that first one) mess you up. I mean, that's not new knowledge. Some people have an easier time of it, depending on how things ended. However, I've witnessed (and, admittedly, have been a part of) angry and vengeful actions post-breakup. Many people often try to fill the gap with someone else, only to hurt the other person involved. Others unfairly villainize the new significant other that steps into the picture, refusing to acknowledge the flaws that ended their relationship or the flaws in themselves. This book was not afraid to go to these places and though it can be hard to read at times, that happens to be because it's so true.
Grieving the end of a relationship is a lot like grieving a death, and this was a pretty literal interpretation of how difficult it is to move on and appreciate what was instead of dwelling on what could've been (especially if it can never be). Its harder than it sounds, but its something many people can relate to and I love Silvera for telling this story and keeping the flaws and mistakes that truly accompany these situations in tact.
Rating
Adam Silvera has quickly become a new go-to, auto-buy author for me. He writes awesome queer fiction that doesn't fall into the usual "coming out" storyline. I think my expectations were a little high, though, which usually leads to a bit of disappointment. It's a good book, but I would've liked a bit more focus on Griffin's mental illness, which initially appears to be a large part of the story and isn't.
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